When You're This Tired of Being a Lemon, a Broken Leg Seems Tempting

Summary

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I'm standing on ice trying to make the shape of a lemon while my 10-year-old son flutters around the rink as carelessly as the butterflies I'm still seeing in the garden, even though it's December.

Eventually my feet part into something that resembles a grape, though there's no doubt I look like a real lemon. My coach sighs and gracefully demonstrates the backward move again, making it look easy- peasy lemon-squeezy. My son watches and copies it perfectly for the first time. I manage a very small cherry. So the coach takes me aside and starts to explain the physics of ice-skating. You know you're a lost cause when people turn to science - explaining the ins and outs of weight ratios and balance points is always a last resort when things just aren't happening naturally. No-one ever bothers going into such detail with children - they wouldn't listen for a start or even pretend to understand. It's irrelevant to them because they just watch and copy. Adults, however, are under the misapprehension that their minds can control their movements and that if they understand how something, such as making lemon shapes with your feet as you skate backwards, happens, they will be able to do it. But we're just buying time because there is no greater obstacle to mastering a physical action than thinking while you're doing it. Particularly when you know pain is just around the corner. Children have all the confidence of innocence - they haven't fallen quite as many times as adults to make them think twice about putting their lives at risk.

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When You're This Tired of Being a Lemon, a Broken Leg Seems Tempting

But it's no good muttering darkly about old dogs and new tricks as I...

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